To the other mothers at the town beach and library

Please don't judge me based on the behavior of the boys this morning.

Maybe you weren't.  Maybe you were thinking "Whew, I'm glad it's not my kid today!" when Owen pitched a fit because I wanted him to wear his life jacket. You see, I wasn't wearing my bathing suit.  I had told Owen multiple times not to go any deeper into the water without wearing his life jacket and he wasn't listening.  If he had gotten into the water over his head, I would have had to jump in the lake in my Bermuda shorts and shirt, which I would have done in a heartbeat if he was struggling; however, we had brought the life jacket specifically because I didn't plan to go in the water today.  I decided not to wear my suit because I had only planned to stay at the lake for Josh and Olivia's swim team practice, not into the afternoon, as we had yesterday.  Maybe that's how I goofed - thinking that a three year old could process that one day we stay at the beach until after lunch, the next day we don't, despite the fact we talked about this continuously on the ride over.

And when Owen threw sand at me when I told him he couldn't go into the water without a life jacket, I had to do something.  I know he was mad and we were making a scene as we struggled together near the edge of the beach for everyone to see.  I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and take him to a quiet place.  But there's no scooping Owen.  He's a solid body of muscle, and though I consider myself pretty strong, his flailing arms and legs are no match for me.  That's why I had to part carry, part drag him up the beach to the retaining wall near the playground to give him a time out.  Not as a punishment, really.  Just to give him a place to calm down, get it back together.  The other thing about Owen - he's three going on eleven.  Don't let his conversation skills fool you.  Underneath the chatty facade is a stubborn, obstinate preschooler.

Onto the third child.  Oh, our little Joshie!  How Husband and I have struggled over how best to deal with his outbursts.  It's hard to know the triggers - we've had numerous conversations over the years with his teachers who have suspected something is off, but can't quite put their finger on it.  That's how we feel.  We continue to look for answers, for help for him, because we don't think he wants to be disagreeable.  He just can't help it.  For some, this may sound like a cop-out.  "What that boy needs is a little discipline!  A kick in the pants!"  But it's more complicated than that.  Josh can be so charming, even affectionate at times, in his own way.

So at the library when you were wondering who that crazy mother was, whispering warnings into her son's ear that he had five minutes, then two, then it was time to get off the computer, it was me.  And the child growling back at her was Josh.

Listen, I'm doing the best that I can.  Which is what I'll remember the next time I see a mother struggling with her child.

Summer Survival

Summer.

I woke this morning to crystalline blue skies, a lush, flourishing emerald lawn (i.e. needs mowing), and the wowoowowoo and twitterweep twitterweep of birds.  Bundled in my bestest purple fleece bathrobe (one of these days I plan to compose an ode to this garment, since it is one of my favorite pieces of clothing) I stood outside for a brief time, taking in our backyard: the rambling stone wall that provides a loose boundary between our property and the horse paddock owned by the riding academy a few streets over, the swing set Husband built last year, the small rock wall waiting to be climbed, the rings ready to be gripped by little hands, the proliferous greenery growing tall in the marshy area dividing our backyard, an ecosystem unto itself, providing endless opportunities for frog and bug catching, a perfect hand-on science lesson for little boys and girls. There's a cool, dewy feel in the air that comes after days of rain as I contemplate the eight weeks to follow.

Ahh...summer.

So let me switch gears from the abstract to the concrete and pass on a few ideas I've come up with to  help the kids and I get through the summer (relatively) smoothly: 

1. Brainstorm a "To Do" list.  At the end of last week, I rolled out a large sheet of paper and taped it to the dining room table.  Then I asked the kids to write down what they hoped to do this summer.  The little boys really got into this activity, suggesting activities like roasting hot dogs and go to see fireworks and catching fireflies.  Then I transferred the ideas to another piece of paper and hung it on the refrigerator.  We'll refer to the list often and cross or check off all the things we get a chance to do.
2. Have a schedule.  I can't emphasize this enough.  I know what you're saying:  "It's the summer, Tonya.  We've been on a schedule all year long!"  Take it from me, if you don't have some sort of structure, your days will be like Jello without a mold, shapeless hours spilling into a sticky mess.  Instead, design your days with a lot of wiggle room. I'm planning to build each day around a physical activity - such as going to our town beach, then add in a rest time for reading, maybe pulling a blanket out into the yard to sprawl out on and look up at the clouds.   And don't forget to schedule some "mommy time."  Since the Tween has taken an interest in becoming a mommy's helper, I'm soliciting her assistance to plan some activity for the little boys for an hour each day so I can write. 
3. A place for everything and everything in its place.  We are a family of piles.  Currently, piles have cropped up on my dining room hutch, my bedroom dresser, and the small counter space next to the gas stove (which Husband keeps reminding me is a fire hazard).  A pile forms for two reasons: a) I don't have time to put something where is should go and b) there is no place where it should go.  Well, that's going to change, because I've spent about a week's worth of hours of my life looking for a missing glue stick, misplaced swim goggles, or the little blue bouncy ball that Owen MUST HAVE RIGHT NOW that has slipped under the couch. The whole family is going to get involved in putting things back where they came from; however, the first step is finding a place for these items to come from, and that's what my plan is when I finish this post.
4. Plan for a rainy day.  Much to our dismay, rainy days will happen.  I try to think of these days as a little break from outdoor activities.  Have a list of rainy day ideas up your sleeve.  One option is bowling.  Sign your kids up at Kids Bowl Free and receive coupons for two free games a day through the summer.  Take the kids on a factory tour.  We live near Stonyfield Farms and a couple of times a year we head up for free yogurt samples and discounted prices on our favorite flavors.  Visit your local library to participate in their Summer Reading Program.  Also, Barnes & Noble has their own summer reading program where kids can earn a free book if they read eight books.

With a little planning and creativity, there is no reason to hear "I'm bored" this summer!

What are YOUR plans for summer vacation?

And the winner is...

Susan S of Only the Manager is the winner of the coffee care package.  I'm very excited about choosing the goodies, because in a past life, I was part owner of a gourmet coffee shop.  So I've got a bit of experience in the Java field.

Congratulations, Susan!